Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I think my moral compass just broke
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
