She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
