I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
