i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
