i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
