if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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