you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I think I sprained my soul last night
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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