Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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