I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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