Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
