it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
