forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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