if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
