she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
