I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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