you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
