The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
