she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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