Heybabeimwearingurpanties
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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