Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize