I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize