Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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