I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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