How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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