i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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