i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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