just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
