If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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