I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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