i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
