so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
are you so shy because you have an std?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
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