At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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