He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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