would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
