I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
