I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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