I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
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