I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
