Hey man sorry I got all grabby
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
