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What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
