I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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