Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
