dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
