nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
