What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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