I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
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