I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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