sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
