So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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