The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
