Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize