He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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