you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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