Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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