there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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