White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
