I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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