she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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