Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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