doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
