Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize