why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
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