I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
