Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
