did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
