how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
