hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
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Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
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Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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