I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
