I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
