you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
