I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
