two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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