I accidentally burped into my bong.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize