I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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