I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
ugly people sure do ruin things
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
As shirtless as possible
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
