I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
