I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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