I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
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He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize