at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
